"I’m trying to be both a Buddhist and a businessman."
“What’s the most difficult part of that?”
“Wanting to be successful, while at the same time letting go of the attachment to desire.”
“Isn’t that impossible?”
“You can desire. You just can’t be attached to desire. It’s about living in the moment and enjoying the attempt to realize your ideas, while at the same time letting go of the need for a positive outcome.”
So I thought about this thing I do and it’s all about Elliott Smith. It’s weird because I never met him and I’m an atheist who could never imagine believing in a god.. I wanted to die when I was 13 or 14 and my dad would drive me around with music blasting in his car. Sound from this whiney adorably delicate but raw and meaningful voice came out of my dads speakers talking about loving the world through the eyes of a girl who’s still around the morning after. I couldn’t relate to that, but I could. It was such an energy I hadn’t felt before and I asked who it was. “Elliott Smith”. I went into my room and researched him online like a madman, listened to everything and just fucking felt love for the first time in my life. I related. I was amazed and had something to heavily admire. He didn’t waste away with these feelings, he fucking doused us all in this crooked beauty that not many people can even fathom creating. Instead of dying, I turned to creation. I paint now and it gives me a purpose. This music saved me in a way as cliche and dorky as that might sound. Things happen in my life where I should be dead or in jail but somehow I’m not and it’s because a stranger might say a certain sentence that Elliott’s sung, in an unrelated way. I went to his tribute show in the city and got madly drunk by myself to the point of vomiting on myself and the sidewalk. A 21 year old girl stuck near strangers puking on the sidewalk as if it was nothing. The whole show everyone had said how amazingly helpful Elliott was and there was a story told about a guy wreaking havoc in a bar he was at, the guy was kicked out, and Elliott left to go talk to him. He apparently had a schizophrenic episode and just needed his meds. Elliott helped this stranger nobody would have looked at as anything other than an angry drunk. I got that vibe from the people surrounding him. I was safe. Nobody took advantage, people got me water and directed me home. That had to be his spirit. He must be looking out for me or I’m just crazy. Elliott helps me along and I guess I do believe in a godly figure in a way. Maybe it’s something inside me I won’t allow my self to believe is actually part of me. Either way, he’s one hell of a guy. Even after death.
Maybe I should be sleeping instead of blogging but I’m alone, so…
"I can walk through every door frame in your home and know where I am. Even with my eyes closed. I still know exactly where the spoons are and where you keep your favorite sweater and where all my stuff is tucked away in a drawer all on my own. All on my own. I find comfort in stranger’s smiles and sitting alone on the steps of a house that isn’t mine. I love watching people, thinking about what kind of day they’ve had and what they’ve been through in their past. I always hope that they’re happy. All I write about anymore is sadness and sickness and solemnness. I make my stomach ache because I think of you too much. Sometimes I wish I could stop thinking of verses of poems and verses of songs and verses that kill me and remind me of you but I can’t. I can’t because you’re a part of me that I can’t erase. I don’t want to erase. The wind screams at me and I yell out to you that I know. You’re not proud of me anymore, Grandpa. Of the person I’ve become and the things that I do. I’m sorry I let you down and made your stomach ache too." ~MP
h0ldingbacklions asked: What’s your opinion on the Megalodon?
The Megalodon was one of the fucking coolest animals to ever be on this Earth. The size if it was just unimaginable. It was THE predator of the ocean. Or at least until further study proves that something was above it on the food chain. I truly would love to be able to see it alive. Not to say I wouldn’t be scared out of my mind though. Haha. This picture features a smaller Megalodon. I have heard that they could grow up to 65 feet.
I just very much love sharks and I miss my mini “shark” RIP sharky shark
There’s something that is so beautiful about animals. All animals. People are animals but not as truthfully as all of the others. We may be less beautiful but we still are in our ways. I think it’s just so beautiful that a dog that knows it will get food, water and shelter no matter what it does, but will still find a mourning person and give them some last tiny bit of good. They may not even know what they’re doing, like scratching an itch, but how amazing is it that being what someone may not have but needs so much is not this thought out process, but scratching an itch? People sometimes look away because they’re afraid to say the wrong thing. How selfish. Someone is hurt and you leave them there for fear of embarrassing yourself? That’s not right. Or even worse: One will not aid another because they don’t believe in the authenticity of the pain. We all have our little hells and our big hells, but they’re hells at all and that should be enough. For animals it’s enough and the occasional human will be deeply rooted in their true animal-ness or less evolved. We’ve more or less evolved into this abstracted creature we’ve created… a person of less love and more fear. We’re so fucking afraid but there is the occasional human who fights that off or feels it not at all because somebody else needs them and that is the most beautiful thing I could ever see. That is all I could ever want. A human being, not a person, to love me the way a dog would love me because dogs are beautiful and dogs don’t worry about the flame surrounding a saddened soul. All a dog cares about is being there to make your little hell feel less than that. To make you feel more than you think you are.